the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize