Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
