so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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