I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
