I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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