no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
