i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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