We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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