The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i will never coherently bang her
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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