What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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