i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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