I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
