What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I supernannyed him into submission
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize