Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
