Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
