i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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