I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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