currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
