if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
