You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
