I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
