This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
