One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize