he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize