He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
