my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
