Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize