He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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