I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
okay pat passed out under dana's car
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize