I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
