Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
