so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
