I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who died my cat blue again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize