people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
