I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize