i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
