Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
