i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
