Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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