I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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