She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
