why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
