When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
