i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you win again, gameday.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk is not a location!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
