where am i from again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
