my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize