dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He felt like a one man threesome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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