It was confusing and full of hummus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Come on in and take your pants off
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
