I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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