YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
