So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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