I wish I could teleport
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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