Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
