Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
