when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
