Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
