why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
