For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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