so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
