btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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