This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
