I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
