i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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