i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
