I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
