The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
