so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
