Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
