Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
