well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
