I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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