"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
