I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
