Don't you send me to vm
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
