pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize