i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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